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Magic Fairy in the Microwave

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Camel Dung and Cloves

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The Plucky Pie Murder

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Teen Plays for Inclusive Classrooms

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They Eat Sunshine, Not Zebras

The Goodensnap Home for Orphaned Boys

        A very usual occurrence took place at the Goodensnap Home for Orphaned Boys; a mysterious adventurer in a swirling dark cape pounded on the front door.

       Very usual indeed.

       This pounding also took place at a predictable time.  It was midnight, or near enough too.  Mr. Goodensnap liked to keep the adventurers waiting.

       It was all very dramatic – the pounding, the adventurer, the time of night.  One would assume that there was a very important orphan inside.

       They would be wrong.  

       There were, in fact, 21 very important orphans inside.  Mr. Goodensnap recognized the value of a good parentless boy and he collected them because they:

       1) Have special powers, or are at least very lucky. 

       2) Are exceptionally hardworking. 

       3) Always figure out how to defeat the bad-guy right         at the perfect moment.   

       As well, Mr. Goodensnap never took in any old orphan.  No way.  He only accepted the very best, super special orphans.  Adventurers would pay a mint to adopt a Goodensnap boy.

       On this stormy, quite typical evening, a potential orphan was sitting across from the orphanage owner on a soft, squishy armchair.  The orphan went by the name Ferris – no last name.  He had been parentless for the entire twelve years of his life, living off scraps from the kitchen of a great castle.  

       Ferris was frightened.  He didn’t know why he had been brought here and he certainly didn’t know anything about Mr. Goodensnap.  The man looked gruff, like a mean grandfather who enjoyed hiding children's toys.  His mouth was twisted into a frown and his eyes squinted with suspicion.  He had so many wrinkles that Ferris figured he must be at least a hundred and ten years old.  He was skinny with fluffy white hair, a pointed chin, and a big nose.  His arms and fingers looked long compared to his small body and decorating those fingers were rows of sparkling rings.    

       “How urgent would you rate that man’s pounding?” Mr. Goodensnap pondered, looking out the rain streaked windows of his office. 

       “I think he would like to come in sir,” Ferris answered.

       Mr. Goodensnap made a farting noise with his lips and turned back to the admittance paperwork on his desk.  “I don’t usually take in cases like yours.  Oh sure, I’ll take in kids with all sorts of handicaps, but yours is ...” he trailed off, wrinkling his nose and shaking his head.

       “Sorry, what do you mean?”

       “You’re ugly,” he stated bluntly.

       “Oh.”  Ferris could feel his face blush.  

       “However, in your case I’m willing to reconsider my rules,” Mr. Goodensnap said.  “Your back-story is very impressive.”

       Ferris shuffled his feet uncomfortably.  “I don’t understand.”

“I don’t expect you to.”  Mr. Goodensnap put his hands on his desk and leaned forward.  “Welcome to the Goodensnap Home For Orphaned Boys.”

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Monster Green




          I’ve found something that will change the world. 

          It’ll be the biggest discovery since the wheel, or the light bulb, or ... unpoppable bubble mix!  Man I love that stuff.  You can touch the bubbles with your finger and they don’t pop.  Amazing.

          Don’t get sidetracked Dylan.  Stay focused.  Soon I’ll be sharing my discovery with the entire world and my presentation has to be perfect.  I’ll probably be quoted in all the most important history books.  Oh shoot, why didn’t I think about that till now?  I wish I was wearing a cooler shirt.  At least I combed my hair today.

          “...and so my dad bought me a new one,” Bobby Gommer was saying, finishing his show-and-tell of ... heck, I don’t know what it is.  How am I supposed to pay attention to Bobby Gommer when I’m about to reveal a world-altering discovery?

          “Thank you Bobby,” Ms. Fisher says, leading the class in a round of applause.  My teacher is the kind of lady who wears only two colours – black and gray.  Today she’s wearing a puffy gray dress that reminds me of fog and boringness.

          “All right, who’s next?” she asks.

          My hand’s already up.  It’s got to be my turn.  I’ve been the best hand-raiser all class.  My arm is miles higher than everyone and I’m the only one with finger wiggling action.  There is no possible way Ms. Fisher can overlook–

          “Stacy,” Ms. Fisher announces.

          Stacy?  Stacy Linewebber?  Stacy Linewebber!  She was hardly raising her hand!  Her arm was only halfway up and she wasn’t even waving it.  I demand a redo ... only ... Ms. Fisher said she’d send me out into the hall if I yelled ‘redo’ one more time.

          It’s not fair!  And Stacy Linewebber is the biggest blabbermouth too.  Every show-and-tell she talks on and on about the stupidest things: shells, books, erasers shaped like dumb little horses.  I mean, it’s ridiculous.

          “Hi guys!” Stacy says in her stupid blabbermouth way.  “I found the neatest thing on the walk home from school yesterday.”

          Is she about to show-and-tell what I think she’s about to show-and-tell?

          “It’s a rock, but if you look at it from this side, it looks like a hedgehog.  So I got out my paint set and–”

          This is unbelievable!

          I don’t– I can’t­– it’s just– I’m speechless.

          I have something here that will change the human race – something way beyond Ms. Fisher and a grade three show-and-tell class – and I have to sit here and wait for Stacy Linewebber to show off a rock!


          “Thank you Stacy,” Ms. Fisher says, clapping politely.  “Who’s left?”

          Stacy’s done already?  I must have blacked out for a few minutes.

          My hand shoots up.

          “Dylan?” Ms. Fisher sighs.  “You have something to show us?”

          Finally!  I resist the urge to jump up and run to the front of the class.  I have to remain cool and collected – this is a historic moment after all.

          “Yes I do,” I say in my most dignified voice.  Clutching my discovery, which is safely contained in my lunch bag, I make my way to the whiteboard.  The room is quiet, making me feel kind of nervous. Usually I’m only the centre of attention when I’m getting in trouble for something.

          Reaching the front, I spin around with a great showman’s flourish.  “Ladies and gentlemen,” I begin, trying to make my voice sound loud and impressive. “What I have here is so amazing, so awe inspiring, that it will change our very existence.”  Ah, they’re listening.  This is going to be great.  “Cities,” I say, sweeping my arm dramatically, “will rise and fall.  Mountains will tremble.  Rivers will, um ... run backwards!”

          “Because of a lunch bag?” interrupts the snide voice of Bobby Gommer.  The whole class giggles.

          I feel a blush invade my cheeks.  Stupid Bobby Gommer.  I know, for a fact, that Bobby Gommer’s parents are werewolves.      

          “No, it’s inside the bag, dumb-face,” I angrily inform Bobby.  “Obviously the lunch bag is for disguise purposes.”

          Everyone laughs again.  Stacy Linewebber rolls her eyes.

          “Dylan...” Ms. Fisher warns, crossing her arms impatiently.

          I want to run out of the room.  “I ... um...”  How do I get this speech back on track?  I have to concentrate.  This is my big moment, and I can’t let them wreck it.  “I’m going to show you my discovery, but first I– well, I want you all to know that it’s ... very important, this thing here.  Very impressive too.”  With a slightly deflated flourish, I reach into my lunch bag and pull out the most amazing thing since the unpoppable bubble...

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